The Blog of Mark Devin

help me promote

2009-08-08T12:25:00.000-07:00

Listen to my Music

Go to my shows!!

Grab a widget and post it on your profile to support me
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then become a fan via reverbnation.com and download a free unreleased version of heartsong!!!
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this is what happens when my coworkers..

2009-02-05T14:21:00.001-08:00

get my flyer

toyyys

2009-01-21T21:34:00.001-08:00

2009-01-04T16:52:00.001-08:00

mi corazon

2008-10-27T07:30:00.001-07:00

Days Of The Brighter Dawn

2008-09-23T16:57:00.001-07:00

my days have become constant mornings and cool breezes.
i'm regaining my focus now. there was a day i felt a constant jump in my chest. i believe it was 2005. i am determined to become a purist again like i used to be.
there was only a handful who remember this. it was all about living life to the fullest, long walks to nowhere, early in the morning, late at night. going to the zoo, bright eyes, smiles, washed faces, warm embraces.

i'm determined to rediscover that. it was a very good year, before the poorest of choices, before the stresses that adulthood brings. i'm redefining who i am. constant purchasing of Odwallas and cold weather. i had a life. i'm taking it back.

now if i could only just get paid.

brighter days are here.

thank you for listening

youversion.com

2008-08-01T12:22:00.000-07:00

i found this website some how, and don't remember how, but it's an online bible reader combined with blogging called YouVersion. amazing! i'm on it already as "markdevin" you should definitely check into this thing and it's absolutely free. i know it's shameless advertising.

but since we're on the subject of shameless advertising, i have two shows coming up this month. one on August 8th at the Door in Plano, Tx. and the other at it's main location the Door in Dallas in the Prophet Bar. Both are 10 bucks unless your over 21, then it's 8 for the Prophet Bar. be there both at 7 pm!!!

i hope to see you guys there. come hang out with me at the show!

Frannie and Freddie Gets Royally "P'wned"

2008-07-12T23:15:00.000-07:00

Frannie Mae and Freddie Mac now hold one of the biggest debt out on the Market today. About $12 Trillion. Here's your sources, and if you own a house, I recommend you find Jesus.

Washington Post:
Frannie Mae and Freddie Mac $12 Trillion Mess

a simple day

2008-07-12T22:46:00.001-07:00

So today has been a pretty easy day, you cant do much when youre broke. But to make the best of it, the roommates and i cleaned house. I didn't know how disgusting everything was until we got our hands dirty, literally. So, besides the fact that i work mostly at starbucks, i have decided to start selling mortgage protection insurance. I hear theres money in that, especially with the many houses with this economy being foreclosed because its getting harder for homeowners to afford there houses and homes (more on that later). I havent really played music lately, i havent had the inspiration. Its been hard lately. But in all of this i made a new song called "Sound." (check for lyrics on this blog called "Sound.") Until, hopefully ill have some more news feeds up later tonight. Peace.

Update. 1:06 AM

Here's the link i mentioned I would post from my new found friend New York Times:
How Fallout Could Affect Main Street

Is Obama Getting Sloppy?

2008-07-12T13:22:00.000-07:00

In the recent New York Times article, Senator Barrack Obama, has up to now, wooed the people from left wing all the way to the right. With this year's unbelievable switch of republicans and independents to the democratic race, has Obama exhausted his prized speech of hope? Now shifting His opinions on single matter issues like the concerning war in Iraq, many critics has shamed Obama at what seems like a "flip-flop" candidate.

For more on this topic, you can read a related story here: Obama Supporters On Far Left Cry Foul

on my way to kansas city, mo...

2008-06-26T06:59:00.000-07:00

texas...

oklahoma...?

now grant it, texas is the greates country ever. but seriously they have this in oklahoma???

[sound | 06.21.2008]

2008-06-20T22:48:00.000-07:00

i am the hands who brought you out of your worry
i am the one who put the wind in your sails
and though it feels like its the end of your journey
i am the one who is the way to escape

i am the one who gives the sound to the music
i am the one who brings the life to the dead
and may you never find yourself lost in the rhythm
for im the one who wrote the score to your song...

[secrets | 06.21.2008]

2008-06-20T12:00:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been running across references and finding new scripture about secrets. I'm not too sure why either. I'm not normally one to secrets. Here's just a couple I've run across that stand out to me in this:

"For nothing is hidden except to be made manifest; nor is anything secret except to come to light."

Mark 4:22 ESV

"Therefore do not pronounce judgment before the time, before the Lord comes, who will bringto light the things now hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of the heart. Then each one will receive his commendation from God."

1 Corinthians 4:5 ESV

My mind draws a blank with these scripture on how they mean to my life. At face value, these two scriptures talk about how all secrets cannot be hidden, obviously. Everything
will come to light. No man in darkness in his heart can keep hidden the ways of his sin. *For the Lord knows all and sees all. And any wrong doings in the Name of the Lord is held as heresy and will be done away with and that man shall be judged harshly by the Lord. For no man, shall, will, and can taint the Name of the Lord. for the Lord will not stand for it.

*note. Upon writing this, I felt that it needed to be said. Now upon this revelation, it doesn't mean that this is the only meaning behind this topic, even those in general sin who doesn't commit this in the Name of the Lord can be held secret either. But in this case, I beleve this is where God wanted me to say.

[05.21.2008 | moving to dallas]

2008-05-21T20:03:00.000-07:00

So recently I've been called to go to Dallas, Tx to work in the youth and the first place i've been called to was at Hillcrest Church. I'm pretty stoked, mixed with a little adrenaline and nervousness.

I'm moving out of my father's house.

I'm becoming a man who has to do what he can to live now at 22 years. It kind of puts a heaviness in my heart sometimes when I start to think about how it's time to move on with life and fully take on the responsibility of being an adult. I'll be moving to North Plano and staying with a couple of roommates Justin and Reese. Justin and I have remained friends for about three years now, and with me living in Houston and him living in Dallas, we've managed to keep our friendship despite the long distances. I haven't met Reese yet, I'm pretty sure he's a pretty cool guy, i mean he has a beard and plays drums; he's already sportin' an awesome on his shirt like a snazzy button and well deserves it I'm sure.

Rent's going to be pretty cheap. Cheaper where I live by about $25-$50, and I'll be working at another Starbucks there. It's been awhile since I've left and entry, I've been doing my best to try to quit my job and move on. But it's been hard trying to get a job around where I work, but Glory be to God, I stayed because now I don't have to worry about being unemployed in Dallas.

At Hillcrest Church, I expect to be a Youth Assistant and an intern there for a season. I say I expect because the job is there at the church and it's looking more like it's about to happen. The only thing I'm waiting for is the pastor, Mark Brand. He's on a missions to Sri Lanka currently and has been unable to give a say about any of what's going on in the Youth. But I'm trusting in God to open a door, even if it isn't there but somewhere else.

As for that there's really not anything else going on except that God is Great! I'll keep every one up to date, or at least I'll try.

end transmission.

Bon Iver

2008-04-13T21:45:00.000-07:00

I've always been a bit adventurous on finding new music. no matter where it's from. anything, just anything to get away from the corporate music world. and then i found this guy on virb.com and a recommendation through my buddy wes. probably the most refreshing thing i've listened too. it reminds me of snowy days of february at bible college in dallas. i highly recommend this guy to you!

2008-04-11T15:42:00.001-07:00

[divine hope is the latest thing]

..yea i love being a musician...

2008-04-11T15:39:00.001-07:00

[divine hope is the latest thing]

[12.25.2007 | an autobiography]

2007-12-25T20:05:00.000-08:00

my life is an independent film loosely based off a soundtrack on scratched vinyl

my vernacular is like a script that someone forgot to spell check

my veins are like yarn and my heart is made of wool
you should see my sweater

in all things lovely i am all but ugly

this is me.

[12.15.2007 | snake skin]

2007-12-15T23:15:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been in the process of clearing out a lot if things in my life, and coming clean on other things

Ever since my Uncle died on Tuesday, I've wondered about my life with overwhelming sobriety. There seems ti be a lot of baggage in my life right now and a lot of past regrets and mistakes I'm still trying, or have tried, to fix. Like my Relationships for example: friends, past loves, current loves, hopeful loves, wants, dreams, expectations; and I'm starting to wonder if it's time to let go. Even if it means losing a friend, hurting my integrity to improve my life in the long run, or burning a bridge.

Although hurting my integrity may be a little rash to do, they're are people waiting for me, expecting me to crash; or just hurt from my mistakes already and wouldn't be surprised if I would do it again. But this time, it's different. This time it's time to be a little selfish intentionally because i need to move forward in life. It's time for me to start taking risks.

There are important things that are a rye before the start of 2008. And I'm a little worried about the outcome of where things will end up. So if you read this and wondering why i'm gone, it's because i'm on another journey: to find love, peace, prosperity, friends, life, it's time to shed my skin.

Maybe people who won't see me will see me soon, maybe they won't. But I'm afraid that some lights look dim. I'm going to step out in faith and take a risk. Maybe even a big one. To look out at sea, take a deep breath, exhale, and set sail and let the winds of the sea carry me to the end of my square earth at the end of the horizon. I don't know if it's a mistake, and to tell you the truth, I won't find out till I get to the other side. I'll either find regret with cursing or the promise of blessing. I love you all.

It'll be a slow process though. and if those who read this are my friends and I haven't talked to you in a while anyway, call me. I haven't left you guys yet. I still need a partycrasher. But to whoever reads this that knows who I am, I give you every right to be upset with me, but please do not be bitter. I feel this is the best thing and I know my heart is being led by God. It's time to spread my wings and fly again like the mockingbird I am. But I'm not moving but my motives are shifting and my heart is maturing.

If you want to keep tabs on me, don't worry. I'm still going to be updating my Facebook or Myspace all the time.

This is my December.

end transmission.

2007-10-23T21:30:00.001-07:00

[o_O] robot zombies [O_o]

late night diners seem to have this somber theme about them. no one really talks, its nearly empty, and theres a lot of peace that carries with them. i feel this way even now.

it seems as though im not really talkative, im exhausted from the day, and im cool and collected with such a peace. im in utter chill, as thesw hipsters say these days. and the new tegan and sara album creates memories of times like these.

[09.10.2007 | the problem with prosperity]

2007-10-09T11:17:00.000-07:00

I've recently taken on a pastoral position over the music department at a particular church down in Houston, Tx. Little did I know that my doctrinal and theological views would become the church's thorn in their side.

This specific church (in which their names will be kept secret for the safety of their dignity and ministry) has the belief that the LORD gives to you freely and willingly if you give freely and willingly as well. In which, in this case, isn't my problem. I love the idea of the prosperity message, and I completely agree on the idea of having a "cup runeth over" type of lifestyle, in which case we should live. But the only problem is, they refuse to accept the "yang" of the yin and the yang which is thus: God's rightful place as judge. In their doctrine, He IS a judge BUT to everyone who isn't apart of their church and yet as for them, He isn't a judge but more of, in my own words, a father spoiling his children.

Now I've been raised by my parents as a pastor's kid in an Charismatic Assembly of God doctrinal-ized home, and decided at the age of eighteen that it was my choice not to be apart of a denomination anymore. My guess was that, if Christ did not divide himself, why should his bride? I mean after all we're all his children.

I find myself not being able to play certain songs that deal with certain scriptures that show he is a just God. For example, one song particularly in mind is the tune "Blessed be Your Name" by Matt Redman. The specific line in the bridge qoutes the Book of Job, Chapter 1 Verse 20-21, in which it says, "The LORD gives and the Lord Takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."

In this scripture it capitalizes on the ways of God describing His almighty Power as supreme Judge and Father. I find myself not allowed, as with other songs, to play during our time of worship because they tell me, "Well the LORD always gives but you see, He never takes away."

And that was a direct quote from a leader. Now don't get me wrong they are good wonderful people, but the way they take the Word of God is way out of context. I recently received a text message from the Pastor, in which was a scripture from 2 Corinthians 9:5-10 which he specifically wrote: "Money cometh to you now! when money goeth from you now!"

And yet specifically it says in the sixth verse: "The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully." [ESV]

I have done my search into where he received his verse and nowhere in the King James or anywhere else does it say the words "money" or "now." Paul talks about the giving of benevolence to the poor. This was clearly a verse taken out of context.

As for me I will respect and submit to the church I'm called to be at and will continue to bring change and changed hearts. But if ever you have a question of someone quoting scripture make sure that it is not in any such way taken out of context.

[09.01.2007 | reflections]

2007-09-01T20:09:00.001-07:00

[i am a mockingbird.]my heart is made of glass
thats broken into bits
shards scattered in perculiar places
you'd never thought i would be

my soul is translucent
you can barely see a thing
given delicate like gold leaf
you can see through but you can see me

ohh. ohh.
ohh. ohh.

i am invisible.
i do not exist.
when i turned my back on you
and betrayed you with a kiss

my spirit's a mirror
i reflect who you are
please don't mind the cracks that intwine me
from my pertinent scars
and with your heart you still love me
when you show me your hands...

2007-08-30T16:20:00.001-07:00

i love my job

2007-08-28T20:32:00.001-07:00

so i was opening a "un-opened" package of mint chocolate chip pop tarts out of the refrigerator.. yes they are better that way. and this is what i saw..

unbelievable!

[08.26.2007 | krystal heaven]

2007-08-26T12:18:00.000-07:00

krystal burgers, God bless you!

[08.25.2007 | big lots]

2007-08-25T17:14:00.002-07:00

So for the first time ever, I had the most amazing time at a Big Lots! store. first I walk to the snacks section of the store and found a wall of pop tarts with sugary cereal and oat bran on the other side. Then mom found Stella Dora Breakfast Treats [if you've watched Patton Oswald, you know what I'm talking about]. Then I saw this...

and once I saw this, they started playing Sufjan Stevens' "Chicago" over the air and then I saw this which is now mine...

I was so proud...

then the toys come arye with this parrot...

and a mouse drinking coffee...

I've never been so excited in my entire life. The End...?

Oh I will come again Big Lots! I will come again!

[08.13.2007 | the art of honesty]

2007-08-13T21:56:00.000-07:00

[Originally Documented Apr. 15th, 2006]

the moment when it all leaves
the joy the love the smile
the realization that we were wrong
we're too stubborn to notice

that is when God intervenes
takes out the cancer
our sin and disbelief
and leaves us broken
peeling away the sunburn
revealing the flush skin
naked and vulnerable
the renewed

the realization of truth

when light offends the dark
the exhaustion from crying
the running of the nose
the smearing of mascara
the smudge of lipstick
the messed hair
the ash
dust
dirt

the cry
"hold me daddy, hold me close!"
the uplifting chills
exciting thrills
the smile
the love
joy

[07.11.07 | a song]

2007-07-11T11:27:00.000-07:00

Moments of Your Righteousness brings me to my knees
Longing For Forgiveness, Searching for Your peace
For I am but a sinful man and death would surely come
But through Your cross I've been set free when Your time doth done

The price You paid I cannot return
Because You've given me another chance to turn from my ways
For you draw redemption nigh
And I come running to Your Mercy Seat.

[6.22.2007 | birds]

2007-06-21T21:09:00.000-07:00

"I am a mockingbird, you are the tree..."

What would it be like to be a mockingbird? To experience the true meaning of freedom. And the whole reason one would be restricted is because of man. It seems as though we have become a virus to the world; a parasite. Though we were tempted to eat of the fruit by the devil, we did it anyway. The devil didn't make us do anything.

We killed ourselves.

Now don't begin to think I myself think the big bad wolf himself is off the hook. After all, he was the first to betray before any of us existed. But we as man, vulnerable to everything holy and everything wicked, have fallen and forsaken our Heavenly Father. Even I, a sinner, is as much of a traitor as Lucifer. But I have Christ in me. He died so that I may live and rose again so that I may prosper.

Even with him I should be dead by my own hand, but He the Father is not finished with me. I am the living example of the undead was given one last chance.

[6.20.2007 | clean]

2007-06-20T21:10:00.000-07:00

There's a new fashion craze going on and around my life: 'fessing up and coming clean. I've realized now that stepping up isn't just taking hold of a situation before it goes wrong because if it did go wrong, when to know how to grow up and find forgiveness in the process during and there after.

In this case, it's a perfect lesson on asking for forgiveness from God. It's one thing to realize we're wrong and instantly say that we're sorry, but the real test is when we admit, "You know God, I know there are consequences and I'm willing to face them because of my actions." So many people don't understand this concept. Just because we're sorry doesn't change the fact that we need to face the music. When we do something against our parents as a young child, we are disciplined; and yet we as adults lost that concept that we aren't disciplined anymore because we don't need to be or possibly feel as though we're too old to be spanked. But with God, that's not the case.

Now sometimes, of course, there aren't any consequences in life from our sins because we commit them against ourselves and against God. But what about the other times when we effect our friends and family? The consequences can be endless, and the only reason why we don't confess to our brothers is because it feels so much safer. But a question entered my mind in the midst of all this of which I share with you: Is it better to lay in secret and suffer the consequences in hell or to go through hell and live forever in heaven?

[06.18.2007 | jeremy larson]

2007-06-18T20:49:00.000-07:00

[jeremy larson | make believe]

[jeremy larson | today]

[06.16.07 | friend]

2007-06-16T08:08:00.000-07:00

You don't know how much of a best friend you have until there gone. Whether it be through a mistake or misfortune, when you lose a friend, especially a best friend, it feels as though your whole world crashes down on top of you. Just recently this happened to me. I wish I could redeem everything that happened and get our friendship restored the way it once was, but there isn't a way. I share this today mainly because I know this happens to everyone, and while I'm trying to straighten myself out from this and pull myself together, like I've been trying to since the night before, I'm sharing as though advice from a wise old man because of his mistakes.

I, myself, don't know what will happen from here on out. It feels as though my heart has been ripped out of my chest because I can't man up to anything it seems like. It's one of my weaknesses, more so than self-control or procrastination. I can't seem to man up to the fact that there could've been another way to go about all of this, and that I should have stopped it before it went down the way it did; but I made a mistake. I present this to everyone as though as it were my fault. Grant it this person admits it was the both of ours, but I can't get the thought out of my mind that it was just mine.

I didn't sleep well last night, and I have a feeling it'll be like that for awhile until things simmer down. But please hear my words, don't make the mistakes I made, and that was: not realizing how much love you get from one person until it's gone. It's more valuable than gold and silver, so precious it's priceless. If ever there was a time for us to restore our friendship back to 100% with no hold barred, I pray it comes quickly. I can't live without thinking this person will never be around the way she used to. From all of this; my symptoms: many; my heart: empty and broken; my mind: wrought and wondering.

I'll never be the same from this, no never, until the time doth toll when restoration and redemption draws near. I love her, she's my best friend and practically my sister; we practically grew up together. No... I'll never be the same again.

[06.15.2007 | paradox]

2007-06-14T22:52:00.000-07:00

There's nothing better than finding your heart in the right place, even though your mind isn't. it's an interesting thought as though it was a paradox. How can one have to thoughts at once? Then which is to follow?

The heart is where the emotions lie, the feeling of hope and faith, where there is no room for logic. The mind, on the other hand, proves logic and science and arithmetic to prove ones point to make a decent decision. But which is to choose, because neither of these choices rely on instinct.

It's interesting how God created us to the point that it is possibly that would could very well, in a literal sense, know everything. I find it hard to believe that through a thousand year course, even with the discovery of new technology, we've become utterly stupid. We don't know who we are anymore and what we will become. I've given in to the fact that technology is a waste of our time to find happiness and advancement in human society. It's time to embark in our conscious journey to go back to the basics: the destination of our souls through habitual conquest to find God through Christ.

[06.06.2007 | give up]

2007-06-06T10:50:00.000-07:00

I've realized that when I'm in the mood to find something eventually I get exhausted when my search gets me no where. I was reading the book of Ezekiel this morning when I ran across 11:19-20:

"And I will give them one heart, and put a new spirit within them and I will take the heart of stone out of their flesh and give them a heart of flesh, that they may walk in My statutes and keep My ordinances and do them Then they will be My people, and I shall be their God."

And then my quest began with one idea in mind: heart surgery.

I was at Barnes & Noble for about an hour and a half and realized that my resources on Ezekiel and heart surgery was far and few between, thus I digressed and headed off to Half Price Books [because they have everything]. but I came across a little discovery as I drove off to the next destination: sometimes when we are nearly discouraged in our search to find God [as it were], we begin to feel the fatigue in searching a little early compared to out search for lost car keys. We end up saying things like "God, you know, this is supposed to be easy," and "I thought this would've been a breeze," then God looks down at us and sarcastically replies, "Who told you it was going to be easy?"

Thus the classic "DUH!" hits us harder than our conviction in the ten commandments. The whole point to my quest wasn't for God to have me find something special to preach on, just a lesson in laziness. So, boys and girls, the lesson for today is:

Don't be a lethargic vegetable.

[06.05.2007 | dry season]

2007-06-04T22:20:00.000-07:00

[Originally documented on Mar 2nd, 2007]

For the past week, maybe two, I have been in a dry spell; a season as it were to put it more appropriately. Though only temporary, the tests and trial runs come at you like an open flood gate and there is nothing you can do except one thing: hold on. Not much advice, I know believe me, but last night (March 1, 1:05 am) God started to reveal to me "nuggets of wisdom" as cliche as that sounds.
Since Thursday, I have been working and going to school non-stop at what seems to be a hundred miles per hour! I've been dreaming and longing for a day off; my wonderful, precious Sabbath. But the day before, being the sucker that I am, took up a shift from my co-worker because it was her birthday. Now some could've easily said "no," I understand that, but this isn't there story, it's a sucker's. I was so upset at myself, I looked past the ways of Christ and griped about it for at least a day and a half. But after I got home from work last night, I indulged myself in my bible readings, like I usually do. I began to read the book of Galatians starting in chapter one. But when I came across chapter three verse four, the Lord revealed to me, this very sobering question:

"Have you suffered so many things in vain-
if you have suffered at all?"
[Paul's letter to the Galatians,
Chapter 3:4; NKJV]

Score an automatic ten for God, score zilch for the moron... Now I understand I sometimes come across as not the sharpest tool in the shed, but for those who were looking for conformation in that, do me a favor and shut up.
Moving along, when it was time to go to bed, God shared what was yet another word, and I believe this is for everyone, "A dry season isn't just a test to see if you can press through into the tabernacle, it's majority is based on faith as well."
When there are troubles a rye, and you don't seem you can keep yourself above water, keep in mind that the answer is in three key factors: faith, perseverance, and obedience. A relentless pursuit of pressing through shows God you maturity. As the great C.S. Lewis once said in his book, The Screwtape Letters:

"He wants [us] to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there, He is pleased even in [our] stumbles."

We always ask God to change us, but we're never willing to go through the notion of change. But through test of strength and endurance (in a spiritual sense will lead to the simple reward that our Father in Heaven is pleased. And if we're unselfish and humbled before God, that's really the only gratification we really need.

Good luck in the desert.

end transmission.

[06.04.2007 | urgency]

2007-06-04T22:18:00.000-07:00

[originally documented on Feb. 21st, 2007]

There was this beggar I recently passed by on the highway asking for anything to help… just anything. Now think about that for a minute. When have we in times needed help? Just anything to get by and yet nobody, not even a Good Samaritan would stop on by and throw him a dollar to get by. I felt convicted. I stopped on by an Exxon bought two apples, a bottle of water and a pre-packaged sandwich [that’s already stepping out in faith just by doing that.]. After purchasing this little care package, I ran to the nearest bookstore and bought a bible for about ten bucks and sped over to where he was, just to find out one little disappointing factor… he left. I was a little disappointed; one more, just one more got away from meeting compassion. But I was driving away, the LORD gave a word: sometimes, there is no time to prepare.

No time to prepare. A sense of urgency doesn’t qualify preparing a sermon, it involves the now. There is no time to buy a bible. There is no time to think, just do. I definitely felt convicted. A very valuable lesson was taught this day. We already know that life is always about the now, but when are we going to learn that our Christianity should be treated the same way. Christ in His time on earth didn’t wait nor did He prepare. He never pre-meditated on anything. Could you imagine Christ pre-meditating and contemplating about the cross? As people, pre-meditation leads to contemplation, contemplation leads to hesitation, hesitation leads to defeat. Everyone thought He lost when He died. But honestly if He didn’t die, we would've lost. So if you ever want to live in the now in Christianity, then do something about it. Never wait or hesitate, just do it.

end transmission.

[06.04.2007 | simplicity]

2007-06-04T22:14:00.000-07:00

[Originally documented on Dec. 29th, 2006]

I was listening to Jason Upton's "Dying Star" one night after looking at the crap that I myself have put into my life and what I've made myself go through after a couple of weeks of being home from bible college in Dallas, Texas. I remember originally listening to this song at school during a human video a group of students put on during a worship conference at my school, Christ for the Nations Institute. I didn't really pay attention to the actually performance itself but I remember keying on the chorus line: "let us trash our idols if we're gonna be in the Army of the Lord."

The song itself is about God telling Jason, the writer of the song, about his pride and his idols that he had in his life. But a couple of nights ago, I found Jason Upton's Myspace Profile with this song, and immediately hit me in the face; it was the Lord was now talking to me! I haven't felt convicted since I was at school. I've become so lax on my ways and stumbled and fallen so many times, more so now than i did before, in my walk with Christ. I knew I needed to go back to Dallas. But I have also realized that I was using Dallas and my school as a crutch. I knew my hypocritical "man-made religiosity" has blinded me with philosophical views, compromise, and the true unconditional relationship with Christ that was simple enough for a Child to understand. Thus my search for something more came upon me. The Question: How do I become in tune with Christ in the most simple way, a child could do it?

I ran across one of Rob Bell's Nooma videos called "Rhythm" on my friend's Myspace the next day, discussing kind of the same thoughts I myself has inquired, though somewhat out of context, it proves a point in discussing this matter on simplicity. In one point he states his thought's on the true relationship with God saying, "...I find the whole relationship idea [with God] kinda hard to comprehend. And then loving this kind of God; what does it look like? What does it mean, and how do you do it...? When I think of God, I think of a song ...a song that moves me, it has a melody... and people have heard this song for thousands and thousands of years... people have heard this song and they found it captivating and they've wanted to hear more."

For some reason I've noticed from time and time again I have always ended up like this. Leaving and returning, that it's like a yo-yo. When I stray away from God's presence, it's like I'm open game for the world to boggle me down with sins that I don't want and are out of character. Sins that I never imagined I would commit. But now that my eyes are open I began to realize that those sins, those very things that were in my life, was always part of my character to begin with. Shocking blasphemy that would come from my mouth: the lying, the cheating; all these things I despise and hate were sins I was committing before I ever went to Bible College. The night this revelation came upon me was the same night I repented for the ways of my youth in more elaborate detail. And thus continue to fight the good fight in being that new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new."). I realize now, that all I need to do now is just, well, do it. Just love Him the way He loves us; by just loving Him. That's it, that's alll there is to it. Stop making elaborate excuses, take up my cross and follow Him. It's a whole new clearity in my mind that I hope you understand as well.

Now, may you go and sin no more, as Christ would say. The very thing I hear Him tell me that I share with you now is, "Just let go and love me. Just look to me. Stop looking at everyone else, you're girlfriend [boyfriend], your best friend, and and just love me.

This is simplicity.

If you are having a hard time grasping the whole relationship idea, or if you are having a hard time with a relationship with God at all, hang in there. Do whatever you can to keep fighting:

1.Increase Prayer time
2.Set and increase higher biblical standards
3. increasing your bible reading time

or you can check out these books/videos to increase your walk:

Every Man's Battle/Challenge - Fred Stoeker and Stephen Arterburn
Every Man, God's Man - Kenny Luck
Velvet Elvis - Rob Bell
Nooma Videos - Rob Bell

end transmission.

[06.04.2007 | compassion]

2007-06-04T22:11:00.000-07:00

[Originally documented on Dec. 28th, 2006]

When Jesus spoke, he spoke of true love. Not the drug store type of ushey-gushey kind of love. But a compassionate, unconditional, perfect, and awesome love that opens the doorway to heaven and a true relationship with God. When Christ died on the cross on that dark and wretched day, he bore all of our sins so that we can be made clean. He died in the name of love. Now, of coarse, we here of the traumatizing event all the time to where we know it like we lived it, but to just think beyond of what Mel Gibson did, beyond what the Bible says. Look outside of the box.

Go beyond the boundaries of what Jesus did, other than what we know. Here you have this man, scared and yet confident, balling his eyes out that night before His arrest. He wasn't just shakey- like, he was vulnerable. Jesus was crying to his Father.

When I was about 4 years old, I went with my best friend on Halloween to this community event that had all this cool stuff, like bobbing for apples, or just about anything to get free candy. But there was this one particular station I have always regret going in to: A haunted house.

Now picture this, here you see this 4 year old kid dressed up like a scarecrow with his sidekick Batman, walking into this haunted house. Now mind you, I've never been into a haunted house before so I was little curious as to what it was all about.

Right when I enter, I see this goofy looking witch stirring a cauldron asking me to try this nasty looking brew, I'm not dumb I said no. As I continue down this dark, red lit room I come to Frankenstein's Monster, which was fun, but not scary. But then, things went down hill from there on.

Freddie Kruger has never been my best friend, and to this day I don't think I ever want to shake hands with the guy. Likewise with Jason. They were both in the haunted house jumping out of places I didn't think was possible. Screaming banshee noises with Jason shaking his
machete.

I was crying and screaming, "I want to go home!!!" dashing towards the exit.

Now if I was to go to that very same haunted house as a twenty year old man I wouldn't be scared, because my brain can process the difference between what's fake and what's real. At 4 years old that haunted house was my only reality. All I saw in my path was death and despair and I had no where to turn!

Finally when I made it out of the exit, Dad was standing right there with a smile on his face saying, "Come here son, everything is going to be alright," and, "It's okay buddy, I love you, you're going to be okay."

One day you're going to be scared and feel like you have no where to turn to. But God's standing right there with a smile on His face saying, "Come here son/daughter, everything is going to be alright." And He'll hold you close and he will never let go. You see when we cry out to God, that's when God is the closes to you. That's His love and compassion He promised and He will never break that promise.

When Jesus cried that night of his arrest he cried out to His Father in Heaven. He was the only one to turn to when no one else could help His Son. As should we, take it upon ourselves, to trust in God when no one is around.

This is Compassion.

[06.04.2007 | worship]

2007-06-03T23:32:00.000-07:00

There's now a new burning flame, and the pieces to the puzzle unfold.
My heart bleeds to worship God: My heart is crying for more.
I want to move more than just mountains. I want to sway hearts to Christ.
This is the only way I can drill it out, the only way to get the lead out.

So i'll put on my best smile, cry out my hardest tears.
Show you my best side, sing you my best song.
Give you my everything, because nothing is mine unless it's yours.

I lift my heart to you God, I bring you my offerings
the sage and the spices, the alabaster, and the myrrh
my penance is my heart song, my pensees is my soul
my tongue is the sword of my emotions.

This is my tithe, may it be that as obedience
I bring my psalm to the storehouse, may it be like food on your table.
I bring my best fruit to you, Lord, may you look upon it and be glad.

May my act of worship please your heart.

[06.02.07 | david]

2007-06-02T22:53:00.001-07:00

Every song I've ever written has been for that particular moment. And when i happen to preform it the first time, I'm able to direct my emotions towards that song. But emotions are only temporary. I don't want to write anymore music that's just meant for the time i felt it, because later on down the road I preform the same song and I don't feel it's strength anymore like I did the first time. When I write a song I want it to mean something, like a theme song.

When people listen to music, they want something they can be moved by in some way, like David's music to King Saul. He needed something: something that could cure his nightmares. When I write a song I want it to be there theme for that particular time. so that one day some where along the way, when they hear that song, there emotions will still be there because that person will look back and say, "I remember why i felt this way."

But in a sense that's my ministry: Through worship and deep lyrics, not just to teach if that was the case, but to inspire and help. Like medicine: I want my music to be like a drug that would uplift, praise, or cope. If i can direct someone to Christ in that way, then the rest to finding Him is a piece of cake.

I want to be like David, even in his times when all was lost he still sang unto God through worship and compassion. In time you'll see a change up in my writing.

[05.25.2007 | the heart]

2007-06-02T22:52:00.000-07:00

my heart is blank. an open slate for new loves, new challenges, everything. i wear my heart on my sleeve; it's the price i pay to be a writer: the thorn in my side. it's all i know to do. it's what makes my heart beat, so you'll hear more from me. I'll still be there through creativity and imagination and spirituality, it's what i do. i'm still here, i'm not going anywhere.